For now, I am in a sort of slump and don’t know which way to go. I need a life GPS that would direct me to the location I am seeking. I just feel I am getting nowhere. I have misplaced my serene center and am focusing too much on affirmation from external sources.
For now, I am taking a break from connecting with new strangers online. I have had some good times, and hope to continue seeing the men I have met. But when the phone doesn’t ring, I feel like I must have done something wrong. I expect every male to fall in love with me. Self-centered? Totally, but the truth.
In the past I met men(not online) and we formed instant connections-microwave attachments and a relationship began and lasted for years. Now, everything has changed in the dating dance of technology. Men(and even I) want to get close with no promise of a future date or even a call or text. I am unaccustomed to this style of non-mating.
The dates I have gone on have been fun and I felt special, but the half-life of this good mood is short and fades quickly as the days add up with no further contact.
A man asked me to meet for coffee, and after an initial affirmative response, I changed my mind. I can’t converse with strangers and have my hopes and fantasies dashed when the connection evaporates and I am left wondering why. Too much stress for me right now.
In another arena, I have become too focused on how many people read my blog, instead of sensing the joy of having an outlet for my feelings and enjoying the writing process. Once again, I am seeking outward approval, not content with my own.
Where to look to find myself? Right where I am, I suppose, happy not to be depressed and not letting the actions(or inactions) of others ruin my day.