For the past several months, I have been constantly starved for what I thought was food. I ate meals, and still snacked all day and night. My favorite go-to yummy was a mini Kind Bar. They are low in calories and full of nuts and caramel or chocolate. Eating the little goodies only made me hungrier because of the load of sugar they contained. I also became somewhat hooked on a breakfast cereal with chocolate bits in it. When I went to the grocery store today, I had to turn on my willpower to turn off the craving for the sweet treat.
I ate a hamburger for lunch today, and one hour later was back in the kitchen hunting for some food to fill the emptiness. Standing at the sink, I realized that I wasn’t hungry for food, but for company or something to do. So, I shut the door of the refrigerator, cleaned the cooktop of my stove, which never seems to be totally free of baked-on food, and decided to chew a piece of gum instead of eating unwanted food.
What a revelation-I was starved for something that was not to be found in the kitchen. I was lonely, and sought food as a way of filling the emptiness. But it didn’t work, and my tights got tighter, and my stomach stuck out in an unflattering, unfamiliar way.
During this period of endless hunger, I even got out of bed at night to make hot chocolate and drink it with Hershey Kisses. This night-time repast didn’t touch my hunger and just made me have to use the bathroom in the darkness.
Living alone, and an introvert by temperament makes the days and nights seem terribly long and empty. I still have not found the activity which would fill me up. Reading and TV don’t keep me company, and my search for a male companion has failed miserably.
So, at least I know that my appetite is not for something to eat, but for something to do and a companion to do it with.